One Fluke to Rule Them All
by mirari1
Summary: A freak fangirl incident rips a hole in the fabric of space-time, with...interesting results. Sauron, meet fangirls. Fangirls, Sauron. Now play nice!


Disclaimer: Just borrowing!  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the highest pinnacle of Barad-dûr, ancient tower of sorcery and adamant, the Dark Lord Sauron threw back his head and laughed. The trumpets of the Morannon rang in challenge to the Armies of the West that had so foolishly dared to assail his stronghold. Snared by their own arrogance. Had they learned nothing from the wreck of Númenor? The rabble before his gates could be scattered and slain by the least of his armies, and who then would withstand the might of Mordor?  
  
Sauron lounged carelessly on his black throne and laughed again at the vision unfolding in his palantir. He would cover Middle-earth in a darkness that would endure unto the ending of the world, and even the Valar would acknowledge his dominion. His triumphant laughter echoed through the halls of the Dark Tower.  
  
If only he could find that dratted Ring...  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
It is a widely accepted fact that some things will never be explained by modern science. Chief among these are such strange and supernatural occurrences as UFOs, ghosts, the Bermuda Triangle, ESP, Kirlian photography, the Loch Ness monster—and the apotheosis of Legolas Greenleaf.  
  
It was this latter phenomenon that Meg pondered as she sat on her aunt's couch, watching The Two Towers and attempting to write a decent fanfic about the Last Alliance. It wasn't going very well at all. Elrond sounded like a pompous jerk and she couldn't keep Isildur from whining. She glanced over at Kelly, her best friend, who was watching the screen with the glassy-eyed, slack-jawed expression of the terminally obsessed. Pitiful.  
  
In the spirit of scientific inquiry, Meg tossed a piece of popcorn at Kelly. It hit her just below the left cheekbone. No reaction. Meg just didn't get it. Kelly was usually a very reasonable, sane, and quite intelligent person. But show her a picture of Orlando Bloom in a blonde wig and pointy ears and she suddenly entered a chronic state of Elf-Induced Catatonia. Soggy toast showed more of the characteristics of sentient life than she did. Meg shook her head sadly.  
  
The ending credits rolled and Meg stopped the DVD. Kelly slowly began her lengthy ascent to the land of the un-comatose. "Leggy...so hot..." she murmured vacantly.  
  
Meg thought speech of any kind was a promising sign. Coherency would come later. She tossed her notebook onto the coffee table in defeat and settled back to watch Dateline. Drat. Commercials.  
  
Suddenly, familiar theme music began to play. Return of the King movie trailer. She looked at Kelly in horror. The Legolas-ogling region of her brain had been over-stimulated already. Any more and she...well, Meg didn't really know what would happen, but she feared permanent brain damage could result. She scrambled to change the channel.  
  
Too late.  
  
Kelly's face acquired an expression of pure ecstasy. "LEEEEEEEEGGGGGGYYYY!"  
  
Meg jammed her hands over her poor abused ears, to no avail. It is a well- known fact that the shriek of an excited fangirl can penetrate walls, solid lead, sound-proofed rooms, human flesh...  
  
...and even the very fabric of space-time.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A universe away, in the cursed and barren land of Mordor, the Dark Lord Sauron, aspiring Ruler of the Whole of Arda, wondered where it all went wrong. Just when he was about to crush that insufferable meddler Olórin and his pathetic Gondorian minions like the puny insects they were, that Melkor-cursed halfling had gone and tossed his beautiful Ring into Orodruin.  
  
For the second time in an age Sauron felt the depressingly familiar sensation of the better part of his strength being wrenched painfully away. His exultant laughter died in his throat and his black throne rumbled and swayed alarmingly as Barad-dûr began to collapse into ruin. The thwarted Maia cursed violently in the Black Speech at hobbits, Ilúvatar, and the whole of Eä in general.  
  
Suddenly (as if things weren't going badly enough) a piercing shriek splintered the air, the mind-splitting noise driving all lucid thought from his head.  
  
"LEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGYYYYYY!"  
  
It was worse than the time the Witch King dropped his ring down the sink in Minas Morgul.  
  
The very fabric of Arda writhed in pain, creating a tiny hole in the world in its frenzied attempts to clap its hands over its ears. The agony was so intense Sauron didn't even notice himself being sucked abruptly out of Arda through the pinhole leak in reality and deposited in the least likely place imaginable.  
  
Meg, however, noticed immediately.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, that's it for now. Expect one very confused, rather ticked-off Sauron next chapter. Poor Kelly, poor Meg, poor world. *diabolical cackle*  
  
Feedback is muchly appreciated. Flames will be used in the forging of my own One Ring, which I will use to conquer ALL OF FFN!!!! 


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